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11th February, 2006. 8:17 pm.

Okay, i have figured out how to solve my problem...but i dont really know if it will work. I can to the conclusion that if i thought "Bob*, you dont exist to me", and then i didnt think about him, and did my best to stay occupied so that i didnt sit around thinking about him, maybe i would be a lot happier. i dont know if it will work, but so far it is going okay.... i tried today, but then again i spent the whole day at work so i didnt really get a chance to think about him, or think about not thinking about him... if u no wot i mean.
i hope it goes okay, coz i am sick of feeling like this!!!

* not the real name

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10th February, 2006. 7:59 pm.

*SIGH* i really ahve nothing to say, i just feel so BLAH!!!!
Its still the same problem... and i really dont see why it is a problem... i guess i must really like him. Its so crazy, i have never thought about someone that i liked so much, and i have never been this worked up about it either. I really can not believe it!!
I hope that i do get over it... and soon!!
I'm sure he knows about it, and i am sure he is avoiding me aswell.
You know what, this writing all my thoughts and feelings down really does not help me at all. i feel no different when i end to when i started. And none of what i am writing makes any sense.
i know what i want to do right now.... i want to get really drunk... i mean really really drunk and just let loose and have some fun!!
And if i was really really really drunk and having a great time, i might even tell him.... i might....

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9th February, 2006. 8:51 pm.

Latest update......Dont you just love brothers!!!!????!!! They just happen to find out (when you open your BIG FAT MOUTH) the person that you like.... then they waste no time texting the persons sister, whom no doubt promptly told her brother! ARGHHHHH!!!!!
Adimttedly, he did tell me that he was going to text that little piece of information to the sister.. and i did say "do what you like" but he still shouldnt have done it!! And even though at the time i was thinking... oh well hes going to find out sooner or later, nows as good a time as any.. may as well get it out of the way. However as soon as it was done you regret it and wish that you could have back those last few minutes and not share that little piece of information that could be the beginning, or the end of something...... in my case no doubt the end of a friendship as being around each other would be awkward... and i dont know if i could stand the awkwardness. However there is some hope in know someone that used to like him, but has managed to remain friends with him..... though she does seem to not like him... so i dont know!!
Now i do realise that it sounds like i am annoyed with myself for opening my mouth and have decided to blame my brother for all the problems i now know i will have to face.. and in all honesty it is my fault and i am balming him to make me feel better about the whole situation.... but im feeling so ba at the moment and i really think i need to feel a litle bit better.. and anyway, its not doing my brother any harm!!

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6th February, 2006. 12:54 pm.

Okay, so there is no update on the whole situation. Well, apart from the fact that have told someone else.... not him though, becasuse if i had there would be a huge update to talk about.... and i probably wouldnt even be writiing it here as i would be very dissapointed (although i know exactly what the outcome would be... and i know i think i would be prepared for it and know that there was n way in HELL that anything would ever happen... hearing it would upset me a lot). Anyway.... who did i tell... well you know how sometimes you do or say something to someone without realising who it is your telling it to... well i have managed to do that. I told it to the ex.... though she is my friend and totally over him... i still probably should of kept quiet. She laughed at me, thought it was really funny.... im having dinner with her tonight... and it will probably come up in the conversation A LOT!!!!!!!! though i really dont want to talk about it to anyone really... i get all embarrased and shy. i guess thats why i write it all down here... because no one will read it. i know that nobody i know has anyidea about my account here and i also doubt that anyone reads any of what i write... so its safe, kept quiet, secret. Which is what i want it to be. i dont want anyone else to know. Enough people know that i can talk to about it if i feel the need, but know one else does and thats the way that i want it to stay!!
Though i some how get the feeling that he already knows, or suspects that i do like him. Im not a very subtle person and the people that i have told it to are self admittedly not the best at keeping secrets.
i dont know, maybe it would be better if he did know......

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3rd February, 2006. 4:37 pm.

Well it has been a while, a very very very long while!! More than a year i should imagine... which is crazy!! My god time goes by quickly!!
My main reason for signing back on after all this time is because i need to talk.. and although this isnt talking... its geting the whole situation written down so i can look at it and analyse it!..... Im always being told that i over plan, over alalyse and worry too much.. and i guess its true... but at the moment i really do need to get this off my chest.
What do i do?? Theres this guy and he is a really good mate... one of my best, and i really like him.... like, like him. I dont know if i should do anything about it beacuse that could jeprodise our friendship, and thats the last thing i want to do... but i dont know if i can be just friends with him??!! Every time i look at him its all i can think about it... and its going to be wierd
To make matters worse... i still think that he isnt completely over his ex who just happens to be a really good friend also.
ARGHHHHHHHHH..... i really dont know what to do. this whole writting it down thing hasnt really helped at all. i guess i will decide what to do at some point... and knowing me i will probably let everyone know while i am in some drunken state and i wont have to worry about it ever again because everyone will know.
Will let you know what becomes of it.... nothing i would think!!

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2nd May, 2005. 8:10 pm.

OK, so anyway..... huge news.... I got my restricted. OMG i am so excited, now i can drive myself places. WAHOOOOOO!!!!

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25th April, 2005. 10:14 pm.

Well its been a mighty long time since my last update. 3-4 months i think. Any way since then a lot has happened, and i mean a lot!!
* school
* driving
* got a job (YAY!!!)
* Nam Wah Pai
* Super 12
* my birthday....16!!!
* and heaps of other little things that arent really worth mentioning.

So..... school. I am in 6th form this year and so far it has been pretty good... wel apart from all the assignments i have already had to do, but what can you do about that ay?! All i can is thank god they are over.... and i now have a number of credits YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!! By far the best subject is Chemistry. I LOVE IT SOOOOOO MUCH!!!! it is so kewl, and i get it!!! the worst is English, but hey i expected that, oh yea nd phyisics.... OMG that bloody subject is fricken immpossible to understand and it is soooooo boring. i honestly nearly fall asl;eep in that class..... could be why i am failing it. LOL.

Next biggie..... drivng. I have just learnt to drive and will hopefuly pass my test on Wednesday... but shhhh dnt tell anyone, i dnt want them to know if i fail it. Its a pretty hard thing to pick up... all the gears and stuff, but i finally got there.... it may have taken nearly a year..... hey, i have only been learning to drive for the last 6 months, before that i was focused on my many exams and stuff (which i have more of about 6 weeks, DAMMIT!!!). Fingers crossed for me.

well i g2g right now, will be back to tell you the rest tomorrow hopefully, BAIBAI

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4th December, 2004. 4:21 pm. i need to do this more often!

I am so lazy with this whole writing in the journal thing, although in my defence, nothing tha exciting really happens in my life.
Its school holidays now, officially. YAY! bout bloody time, i was getting really sick of school! Now i have started getting into the holiday-ey things...... you know, coz you have got tonnes of time on your hands. Shopping, cycling, watching the rugby (did that during school time anyway), more cycling (hey, its summer and i do want to go to the beach sometime), tidying up my room........ u know, the usual. i have now been on holiday for 2 weeks and i am already bored, i could do more shopping, but i am well and truly BROKE!!!! i really need to get a job!

Anyway, im am off to a friends house tonight to watch the final game of the all blacks northern hemisphere tour. The team is kind of our B Team, but its only against the Barbarians, though having said that they do have a lot of world class players in their team as well as a lot of Aussies, so it is very likely that they could win! I was thinking about this the other day..... Its really going to SUK for the Kiwis in the BaaBaa's, having to watch the Haka. its going to be really sad for J. Marshall, X. Rush and the other guy (i cant reamember his name), but i reakon its going to be worse for Justin because he has been an AB for so many years and now he has to play against his old team, i mean it will be sad for Xavier, but he has been an on and off all black. POOR GUYS!!

Today i went shopping and i got this really kewl skirt and top from Just Jeans. the skirt is white and green with flowers on it and the top is a green halter neck that laces up at the back. OMG they are so kewl, i love them so much!! i also saw these really nice jandals at Nirvana and mum said she might get them for me for christmas. Next thing on my list of things to buy is a new bikini. i really need a new one, ut i havent seen any that i really like yet, but i am still on the look out.

Well thats about it for now, taataa!

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28th November, 2004. 9:40 pm. Take a bow Mr Henry

I believe it was a common feeling between the rugby fans of New Zealand that taking the likes of Piri Weepu and other "development players" as well as bringing back Anton Oliver while leaving at home Justin Marshall and Andrew Mehrtens was a huge mistake and suicide for Mr Henry. I myself had very strong feelings about this squad and although it did sport some excellent players, i was most dissapointed about the choices.
Although i have a special place in me heart for Justin and Mehrts, Coach Henry had it right. There was a close call with Wales,but he had faith and a well thought out plan. He gave some of the up and coming NZ rugby stars test rugby experience and a chance to prove themselves. They stepped up to the mark and did just that, giving us options for the future.
I take my hat off to you Mr Henry, take a bow.

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19th November, 2004. 3:44 pm. its over, 5th form is done!!

YAY!!!!! I have finished all my exams..... well all my big exams, i still have one on friday, but i dont care about that one and its really easy n e way! I am kinda dissapointed coz i thort after ma Geo exam today i would feel a huge weight lifted from me, but no i still feel the same! but i am glad they are over coz now i have the next 3 months of my life to relax!! its gnna be great! NO SCHOOL!! wot cud be better...... apart from rugby and rugby players..... nuffin i tell you nuffin!!

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